I get nervous when I’m talking to people. I love people, and I love talking, but there’s something about social interaction that can make me feel like an amoeba squirming beneath a microscope: I’m being scrutinized, measured, and potentially labeled as pathological. Maybe you’re like me, afraid of being exposed or seeming deficient. Maybe you live in mortal terror of the mandatory office party, church fellowship, or bridal shower. You want to escape, hide, and forget. You don’t want to be drunk; you just want to shave off anxiety’s edge with a glass (or two) of pre-event wine.[1]
If you’ve ever tried to inoculate fear with alcohol, you’re not alone. Women are consuming alcohol at record-high rates[2] and often drink to tame anxiety in social settings. How does the gospel speak to social anxiety? How does Christ offer freedom to vice-burdened hearts?
Drinking Our Fears
Social anxiety is the experience of “feeling anxious, nervous, [and] tense around people. Anyone who has a heartbeat can identify here,” says Aaron Sironi.[3] Most of us get the social jitters, no matter our temperament or charisma level. It’s what we feel before having a difficult conversation, going on a first date, or speaking in public. Social anxiety isn’t necessarily “people-pleasing”—it’s less about people and more about the power of people to reject and humiliate. We’re afraid of being embarrassed, of feeling worthless.
Anxiety is often felt in the body: a pounding heart, sweaty hands, distressed intestines, or an adrenaline flood. Anxiety doesn’t feel good, and we find ways to not feel these feelings. Recent studies have shown a correlation between social anxiety and alcohol abuse, with a “stronger connection [of the two struggles] among women.”[4]
A glass of wine seems to help us rise above your fears and be funnier, braver, and more talkative. Alcohol momentarily anesthetizes us to anxiety’s sting. With a little wine in our veins, we can be wounded, yet say, “I feel no pain!” (Prov. 23:35).
Influenced by a Better Hope
The point here isn’t whether we can/should drink alcohol. Any good thing can be destructive if we demand it to be a god: if we look to it for rescue, life, hope, and healing. Alcohol is a toxic solution to social anxiety because Christ-followers aren’t made to escape. We exist in vulnerable, reliant relationship with God and others (2 Cor. 1:8-11). Yes, we will sinfully slip into dependence on things other than God. Yet, in our weakness, there is always Holy help (Rom. 8:26). To the degree we are influenced by the Spirit, we are becoming free (Eph. 5:18-19).
These are big truths for us to swallow. How do we move from a place of anxiety to a place of hope? To start, let’s remix that self-protective mantra (escape, hide, forget): Engage, Abide, Remember.
Engage: Move Faithfully into Relationships, Even If It Hurts
Anxiety drives us into hiding. When we are afraid or ashamed, our natural response is to run, hide, and withdraw from relationships (“I was afraid, so I hid,” Gen. 3:10). But we were designed in the image of a Triune God: we are most ourselves and most like our Maker when in relational fellowship (Gen. 1:26; 1 John 1:3-10). We were made to engage. We must walk in the light—willing to be seen, known, and loved (1 John 1:7; 2:10). [5] We may still feel the bite of humiliation, and people may reject us. But we must lift our gaze to Jesus, who endured shame because of love (Isa. 53; Heb. 12:2). For a socially anxious person, “growth will look like…accepting and tolerating a degree of anxiety while continuing to move towards people and social situations faithfully.”[6]
Abide: Find Hope in Dependence
In abiding, we draw upon the strength of Another (John 15:5). As we abide in Christ, we are dependent. We can do nothing apart from the Source of life and vitality. This God-reliance helps us not rely on our abilities or charm, an alcohol boost, or other people’s opinions (2 Cor. 1:8-10; 1 Pet. 4:3; Gal. 5:19-21). This frees us to love people instead of seeking their applause.
Remember: Find Peace in Reality
Socially anxious women drink to forget—to forget anxieties and take the edge off insecurities.[7] But in Christ, we are people of rhythmic remembering: remember the promises, remember the truth, and remember God’s faithfulness (Ps. 77:12; 2 Tim. 2:8-10; 1 Cor. 11:24-25). The very act of drinking wine in corporate Communion is meant for us to remember Christ; to remember the love that bought our lives with blood.
Questions for Reflection
Engage: Think of your next social event. What would “faithful engagement” look like? Make a plan, and ask a friend to pray and follow up.
Abide: Instead of asking “what will they think of me?” ask yourself, “how can I love them?”
Remember: What is true? What is real? How can you find gratitude and joy by remembering God’s goodness to you?
[1] This writing is not meant to address alcohol addiction and is not a diatribe against drinking. Alcohol, like food or sex or any good thing, becomes a very bad thing when it masters you, controls you, and enslaves you. And as Christians, we are made to be mastered by Christ (1 Cor. 6:12).
[2] Sarah Boseley, “Women Now Drink as Much Alcohol as Men Global Study Finds,” The Guardian, https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/oct/24/women-drink-alcohol-men-global-study (accessed October 12, 2018).
[3] Aaron Sironi, “Shyness and Social Anxiety,” https://vimeo.com/72283460 (accessed September 2, 2018).
[4] “Social Anxiety Disorder and Alcohol Use,” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder/social-anxiety-and-alcohol-abuse (accessed September 2018).
[5] “Walking in light” includes seeing, knowing, and loving other people, too (see 1 John 3:16-18). In my own experience, my social anxiety was often born of selfishness—I was thinking only of how I felt, how I was being perceived, or how I might be judged. I could’ve spared myself a lot of agony by choosing to see, know, and love the people around me. As Tim Keller writes, there is “freedom [in] self-forgetfulness.”
[6] Aaron Sironi, “Let Me Never Be Put to Shame,” CCEF National Conference (handout), https://www.ccef.org/wp-content/uploads/archive/sites/default/files/Social Anxiety Handout.pdf (accessed September 2, 2018).
[7] Alcohol is a seductive answer to anxiety because it can temporarily calm your body. Because our thoughts change our brain, which changes our bodily reactions, it’s wise to evaluate our thinking (abide and remember). Yet, our bodies need direct care, too. Some body-calming alternatives to alcohol include deep breathing (centering your mind and slowing your heartbeat), a quick run or walk in fresh air, a mug of herbal tea, or a power nap. If you’ve trained your body to need something before a social event, replace it with something wholesome and non-habit-forming.
