Books By Greg Wilson

Thank you.

I’m having trouble seeing how these steps can bring a change of heart.  Are there some other steps left out?  Repentance?  Prayer?  What else?

I am struggling with what I thought was a low self esteem issue and have been trying so hard to recognize what is it that I am going through.  I feel hatred for myself and beat myself up all the time for something I said or something someone else said to me and its been miserable.  Never did I relate what I am going through with some sort of “people pleasing idol” inside my heart. I so appreciate this blog because it really causes me to seek and search this out.  I pray for wisdom and healing and understanding so that I can be free to serve my Lord the way I desire too and in a way that brings God glory but I have been paralyzed by this situation.  Thanks for shedding some light in this particular situation and possibly helping me identify its source.

-not being on your spouse’s side when they discipline the children, and coming to defend the children, rather than being a united front, working together. if there are things to be discussed, do it in private.
-being unforgiving and bitter. reminding your spouse of their past sins
-also having a child-centered home.

I have to agree. AND a man who has engaged in pornography (and other activities?) is so totally self centered how can he understand how a wife feels and lead her to a helpful counselor? In my experience, and yes it is my experience alone, a husband directing a wife to an “appropriate” friend or counselor is just an attempt to control her and mitigate the possible damage to his own reputation. Then instead of “he keeps this secret,” it’s “we keep this secret”. It’s awful! Best thing that could happen is to tell everyone you know so they can keep you both accountable to God’s word and your “secret” sin is never discovered because it is no longer covered. Does that make sense?

This is why its so important to not only know what the word of God says but to also recognize God’s voice. There will always be a variety of opinions on whether masturbation is a sin or not but when comes down to it what does God have to say about it? Just as the men who wrote the bible heard from God, we too as (wo)men can hear from God too. In your quiet times, ask God do give you clarity on if it is His will for you to do such a thing. From my own personal experience I can tell you that its possible to abstain from all sexual behavior during any type of separation if your heart is to please God. When you are truly fulfilled by God, its not as difficult to wait. Yes we all have weak moments but keeping in mind that the real thing is so much better, its worth the wait. I agree that men/women’s struggles are similar but most of the time women struggle more in their emotions than in their flesh. Personally, my desire simply for male companionship was always a greater issue than my desire for sex. So the struggle may be quite different man vs woman but at the root of it all, when we’re not fulfilled by God and how He pleases us, we’ll always seek something/someone else to fill that void.

Thank you, Garrett, for sharing this frequently-overlooked step in our obedience to Christ—diligent peace-making.  This article helped me greatly recently in building my confidence that Christ was directing me to take some very hard steps to be a Biblical peace-maker in a long-standing (30-some years) very difficult relationship in my life.  As I carefully weighed each of the points here with myself first, I knew what next step I had to take.  At first, I was sorrowful at the step God was asking me to take, knowing it might produce greater conflict in the short-term—until He opened my eyes to Heb. 11:6—that He is, and that He rewards diligent seeking of Him.  God helped me to see that this step He was asking me to take was actually a reward.  Had I not sought (by His grace alone) to be a Biblical peace-maker for many years in this situation, I would not have been in a position to take this difficult step God is now asking - Gal. 6:1.  Part of God’s reward, by His grace alone, for diligently seeking Him is that we get to be used in positive ways in peoples’ lives to become part of God’s solution to problems and thus minimize them and bring Christ’s hope, rather than becoming a part of problems, thus making them bigger and diminishing hope.  What a privilege!  I am praising God for His amazing grace ALONE that makes it possible for ME to live in a continuous reconciled state with God through Jesus Christ and thus to grow in Biblical peace-maker in all areas of my life.  We are God’s ambassadors, given the ministry of reconciliation on this earth ! 

“For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.”
Romans 5:10

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”  2 Corinthians 5:18, 20

Thank you, again, Garrett!

Hidden sexual sin destroys more than a marriage. If only the person would consider the damage done to children, friends, other family members…not to mention the ugliness he/she brings into their own souls.

I wish everyone would read a letter my 19 year old son wrote to fathers, (he posted it on Facebook)...after years of living with an adulterous dad. I’ll post it here:

Fathers, Who do you think you are?

By: Garrett Able

Written yesterday at 4:17 PM, August 4, 2009

Fathers, who do you think you are?

Who are they exactly? Dad, Father, Pops, all these names are talking about the first true hero in our lives, the first real “Man”. As kids we are always saying, “My dad can beat up your dad!!!” And the rebuttal, “Well, MY dad can lift that car and put it on your dads head!”

As kids we are so in love with our fathers. As we grow older we become more and more like our fathers because our admiration towards them is more than we can understand. It is so strong sometimes, you take on every characteristic of your dad. And to a loving father, this is the greatest sign of admiration! Of an unconditional Love that runs so deep…the jelly sandwich he made you the night before last was the most amazing bit of food you ever ate. And the one tomorrow will be better even than THAT one. What I don’t understand, is why do some wish they had a better life?

I was seven when my dad showed me his better life. Instead of doing what most dads do and leave their family, my dad was sick minded enough to take me along. Her name was Lorraine*, she lived in Pine Log, not far from my house. My “Father”, my “Hero”, would take me “fishing” but before we got to the lake we would pick up this woman from the country corner gas station. She would then join us and once we got to the lake I would take my rod and fish while my father left me. I was seven. A child. Once he had his fill of filth he would retrieve me. Tell me, ‘don’t tell mom I had a friend.” This continued for the longest time, this secret life I was forced to share with my father, all the while I was there watching, listening and hurting. I was seven years old when I became a bigger man than my father. On the way to tennis practice, we all ended up at the country corner store one evening…my mom, me, my father and Lorraine. I turned to my mom and told her, ‘this is dads’ friend”. She asked me what I meant and hell broke loose in the store when I described the relationship between my dad and this woman. In front of me, my father denied what I said. In essence calling me a liar. My father broke my mothers’ heart through me because he didn’t have the balls to tell her himself.

This happened two more times, (that I’m aware of), the most recent was two weeks ago. I am 19 years old. Except I feel like I have been 25 since I was 12. My father had a wife who would NEVER leave him. A BEAUTIFUL wife, a loving daughter, and me. His “Buddy” he called me. I am successful, smart, funny, talented, loving, compassionate towards others…but he didn’t want me enough to stay, or any of us for that matter.

The Love that ran deep has only made a scar. I am nothing like my father. At twelve I knew I didn’t want to be like him. My hero died on the beach of Lake Allatoona.

So this is to you fathers out there: If you are faithful, stay that way. You will be rewarded greatly with Love and happiness and moments where your children want to squeeze you because they love you so much. And kisses from your wife that make you melt like it’s the first kiss you ever had. You will see your children grow and look at you like, “There is Superman, he is sitting right there in front of me…across the table and he is my Dad. MY dad.” Your daughters will mold who they want to LOVE out of you!!!! You, who cuts the lawn and drinks out of the jug of milk and chokes on it when your beautiful wife comes into the kitchen and catches you. DON’T LET THAT GO!!!!!!!!!!

To those of you who are not faithful, it’s time to rethink the pros and cons. YOU WILL BE DISCOVERED!!!! YOU WILL BE UNVIELED!!!!  YOU WILL BE MADE TO LEAVE!!!!! Because you are WORTHLESS!!!!!

But I do Forgive him.

If you are tagged it’s because you either already know, can help my mother deal with this, or because I think you should know.

Jay Adams is both deep and compassionate. I believe he will one day be known as one of the spiritual giants of our time period. I have studied biblical counseling under his teaching.  It saddens me when people do not appreciate or misinterpret the heart of this godly man. He has courageously stood for the sufficiency of God’s Word to help hurting people. In all that I have ever heard him teach he has always been a very caring man who emphasizes the necessity of giving loving biblical counsel. Those who say otherwise have not understood the heart of this man. I M thankful that he was willing to submit to God’s plan for his life. His teaching changed my own life and ministry of counseling.

I believe the author meant that it was awkward for the woman.