I hear women complain all the time about husbands that won’t lead the family. It is a frequent topic of discussion in counseling, and I thought I would bring it here for you to think about.
Few men are being trained in their homes to be leaders. They are not trained in school to be leaders either. Many men have been raised by their mothers due to divorce or single parenthood. They have not been brought up with male headship or leadership and they do not have any idea what biblical husbanding or leadership looks like. Every day men do battle with great and powerful forces in the world that are intended to seduce them into immorality, pornography, laziness, self-indulgence and other forms of idolatry.
Because there is a lack of male role modeling in their lives they are used to women being overly strong and competent. When they marry they are content to let their wives take the place of leadership in the home.
When we marry, we tend to place expectations on our husbands that they are not equipped to deal with. We expect that they will be able to meet every emotional need or presumed need that we have. We also expect them to be able to read our minds, to know our hearts, to be strong yet tender, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. We build these houses on sinking sand.
We are quick to quote verses like Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, and 1 Corinthians 11:3, verses many women don’t like very much because they speak of submission, and yet these are the ones that are clubbed over the head of men reminding them they must lead.
I have said this before and I say again, if you want your husband to be the leader in your home, then stop doing it yourself. Get out of the way and let him do it! He cannot lead if you are not following, and he cannot be constantly fighting you for that position in your home. Too many men are leading a parade of one in marriage because the wife won’t place herself under his protection.
May I ask you, if you are unwilling to submit to your husbands leadership what makes you think you are submitting to Christ? Submission to his leadership is an act of obedience and regardless if he is a good or bad leader we are called to follow. If you are “submitting” and you hate it, and you are doing so with a grudging attitude, then who are you fooling? That is not submission, it is hypocrisy.
The Lord never insists on having authority over us, He never says, “You will submit to me.” But instead He leaves us free to choose if we will humble ourselves under His hand of leadership.
So again I say, if you are struggling with a husband who won’t lead consider getting out of the way. Surrender your will and your fears to the Lord first and then place yourself under the leadership of your husband.